Life, Shane and the Persuit of Happiness
It's what's on my mind, and yours too. Well, at least that bit about happiness...
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
It's funny how emo music has evolved. It started as a pure, from the heart, way of expressing the artist's pent up angst. But it seems that after a while there's just too many people and it all sounds like whining. I'm sure that's what this blog sounds like. Note the name.
If I were to start my own band 3 or 4 years ago it would have been an emo band, and I hadn't even heard emo music back then. I think it's just too personal to expect everyone to grasp it.
Why do I feel ashamed to persue women? That's really the only thing stopping me now. My body and spirit are sound, now, but I still cannot "hit on" women. If I don't, then the women never know I'm interested, but it still feels wrong.
I think I've got this romantic notion in my head that when it's supposed to it will all come together. I won't have to do a thing; she won't have to do a thing. That's bullshit. There is no "one for me". She doesn't exist. The saying "there's a million fish in the sea" is an accurate one; and anyone you catch can be "the one" if you want her to be. So don't wait. Just find someone who makes you happy, and whom you make happy.
Or don't look for any ONE. Why do you have to get married? Because our western tradition says so. That's bullshit, too. The only complications it can cause are to people who are too hung up with our culture to accept it.
So here I am, with a somewhat radical viewpoint and not enough testicular fortitude to ask out women. Where's that leave me? Outside of everyone's reach. I'm just "weird" to you. Try giving it another name: insanity. Weirdo, freak, nut; it's all the same thing. I believe it too, so it must be right?
Monday, August 19, 2002
As I sit here and type I realize that I might be entering a new era. What will come with this era I do not know; but, I believe it will be better than before. Lately I've come to some conclusions with regard to what's been eating at me for the last years, and I think I've got it narrowed down to: nothing. It's hard to explain, but, I think it's a build up of nothing that's been causing my pain. It's like, a feeling that I've developed, over time, that has grown up and up until it feels so real that I count it as a fact in life. It's a great illusion I've performed for myself. But now that I know about it, it's not hard to avoid. Is this denial, I ask? No really, I'm asking, because I don't know. But, I feel better, for the time being.
The new era comes with a new roomate. Out with the old, in with the new. I'm sure I'll never forget about Matt, hell, I shared an apartment, not to mention my life, with him for two years. I guess the change over has been kind of hard, but it was inevitable. Nothing lasts forever.
Oatsoda.com is up! The new website, contrived as a personal web for myself, is now having its boundaries blurred as I update it with beer info, fuel injection info, and a new t-shirt dealing business. It's an all-in-one wonder. I can't believe oatsoda.com wasn't already taken; I snatched it up as quick as I could.
If you're reading this, go check it out: oatsoda.com, of course since noone ever actually reads any of this crap I guess I shouldn't sit and stare at the hit counter waiting for the trafiic to expload.
I have lost:
will I ever find it?
Bring me to the shore and let me alone.
I'll walk into the water; let me float.
I'll reunite with her perfection,
the water, she will lead me home.
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