Life, Shane and the Persuit of Happiness

It's what's on my mind, and yours too. Well, at least that bit about happiness...

Thursday, July 25, 2002

Right now I feel so close, like I'm almost there. I'm on the verge of everything, but also nothing. It's as simple as pure mechanics. Have you ever fooled with a mechanical contrivance, where you're trying so hard, physically, to manipulate it in a way to accomplish your goal. You're crounched down for two hours, torso twisted in a way that you know is not good for your spine, with your arms convoluted and crossed trying to line up a hole with another hole in order to insert a metal pin. As soon as you think you have it; you must have it this time, it's so close, you've lost it. You start over. You don't know if it will end. You have no feedback, so you don't ever know how close you are or aren't. You don't know for sure if it's even a possible feat to accomplish, but you keep trying, or give up. The thing is, being "close" or feeling like it's "almost right" might mean that you're just as far away as, or farther than, your goal as when you started. Will you ever win? Nobody, except nature, knows. So you just keep going. It might all be in vain, who knows...
posted by Shane  # 10:11 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, July 16, 2002

If I could just detense my shoulders...If I were'nt so cliche I'd have nothing to write. My mind goes over you like a Reno pawn dealer exmaining a used wedding ring to take in as trade on a cold steel revolver. You've just got to take what you want, the confident man says, but he hasn't listened to the last 10,000 reasons why not to come sorely burning out from his own sickened brain. Hot bullets under your skin can't hurt as much. The wrinkles under your eyes drag along wearily as your disgusted stare sharpens. A changless expression of contempt has found a comfortable place on your face. Purple veins pound your temples and dryness etches your eyes. With the normal tense grip released you can feel a sudden and surprisingly still calmness in your arms. Feeling drunk but completely aware you pick up the fork to test your motor skills. How long will it last? Until the end.
posted by Shane  # 9:36 PM 0 comments


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