Life, Shane and the Persuit of Happiness

It's what's on my mind, and yours too. Well, at least that bit about happiness...

Monday, January 21, 2002

Well, I've obviously had too much Diet Coke today. But that's not the only thing keeping me awake right now. I've realized something very sad and I can't stop thinking about it. Let me start over:

Everybody forgets how to love eventually. Well, almost everyone. Yah, yah sure there are those lucky few out there for whom life is all sunshine and roses and they live happily ever after, but who cares about them. Their hearts are still bold and warm. The rest of us live on with our muted lives, never again feeling all that's there to be felt. But we all started out with love in our hearts, where did everything go terribly wrong? Have you forgetten already?

Being five years old is so exciting. You don't care what happens as long as you get recess in 15 minutes. I used to play tag at recess. There was a girl whom I had a crush on; Shasta, she would play tag with me. When another kid would tag me, I would chase after Shasta for a chance to tap her on the shoulder and smell her perfume. I can still remember her scent, back then I could have picked it out in a shopping mall full of women spraying testers all about. I could smell it as I lay in bed at night. For years I lay in that bed, my heart ached every night. You see love and heartache go hand in hand. They are cause and effect. When love gets denied it dies and turns to heartache. I experienced my first heartbreak in the 6th grade. I asked Shasta to "go out with me" and then I turned to heartache.
The great thing about kids, though, is that they bounce back. After about a year or so I could sleep normally again. But of course this wasn't the end, like 10 years of running water will wear a stone smooth, so would my heart be worn smooth and hard, killing all feeling and hiding all flaws.
to be continued...
posted by Shane  # 11:55 PM
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