Life, Shane and the Persuit of Happiness

It's what's on my mind, and yours too. Well, at least that bit about happiness...

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Now, I know it sounds like this girl just ripped open my chest and extracted my heart right then and there. But in reality she did nothing wrong at all. Neither did any of the others whom simply weren't in love with me as much as I was with them. Somebody said it takes two to tango. You can't go forcing somebody to love you, but you can't go forcing yourself to not love somebody. That's not how it works. Why? I don't know, maybe nature's cruel trick or something. You are forced into this paradox and there's nothing you can do about it. But although this situation is one in which you have no control, usually the distress of helplessness is overshadowed by the heart-wrenching pain of lonliness; this is the power of love which leaves such a path of destruction.
What's amazing is the mind's ability to heal and ultimately protect itself from this onslaught of severe damage. During the time of your deep depression you just know that you will never recover and, although not completely false, this isn't really the case. In a relatively short period of time (but what seems like an eternity) you can patch over it, maybe even move on to another love interest. But though you've dodged mental collapse, you have still formed scar tissue which is harder and thicker than the matter that it replaced. This scar tissue is resistance, forgetfullness, and denial of love. It keeps feelings from getting in. It prevents heartbreak by blocking emotion. Just a little at a time; a rejection here, a denial there, it adds up. It builds and builds until it's mass becomes critical and then it all lets go and melts away...and then your awake again...
to be continued...
posted by Shane  # 12:00 AM
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